Soul Sucker

You know what? I hate you. I've never wished somebody ill, until I met you: a poor excuse for a living thing.
You will never have true friends, because all the people you attract are just as selfish and condescending as you. Those who are worthwhile will never stick around long, they see your need to leech onto any genuine characteristic you can find.
You're not capable of truth because you're such a void, adapting to whichever self-help book your "comrades" identify with.

Yesterday you were a punk, today you're indie, in an hour you're a free-spirit, and tomorrow you'll be post modern.
It doesn't make you more aware of people you share this world with..it just makes you a desperate follower--longing for anything genuine to suck on.

Afternoon, Green Friday.

truth.Truth.TRUTH.

I was talking to a friend the other day, near us was a pen. We spoke of current issues, each having an opinion and sharing it with the other. Even debating the color of my shirt, which I thought was red; my friend said orange. Walking away from the conversation with separate experiences, and opinions.
What was truth? Was I wrong in the color I saw, or was my friend?

Is it possible neither of us were right, and the only truth or right opinion was that of the pen?

To Be or Not to Be Subjective?

This blog is regarding the first comment concerning the last blog/poem titled “I Once Thought” I was going to put this in the comment section but decided to make a blog instead, because of the excessive length.

The Comment stated:
“Thanks for sharing. It’s an open blog, anybody can delete this post.
Honesty is subjective, the sooner you realize that the easier life will be.
I’m just listening out for the honesty in others.” -Anonymous


Sorry if it is too long but I needed to say something. But, please read/respond. Keep in mind I take all of this with humility and realize that my view does not mean much in the grand scheme of things. I must take this with the attitude that I am wrong. I do not intend frustration or anger.

“Honesty is subjective” (in your view) but the fact is that pointing out that something is “subjective” is also a cop-out to avoid explaining yourself when you do not believe the way the author views things. Going along with your own view IS being subjective. The point is that we use the word "subjective" too often than fully saying what we believe to be True. I do this too often as well.

Subjective is defined as the following: based on influence by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions. Looking at the definition compared to the statement "Honesty is subjective" it is good to note that your thoughts were brought on by feelings, tastes, or opinions.

To me, Honesty is telling the Truth and admitting the Truth to yourself in order to move forward into a better understanding. What does that better understanding look like? I don’t know. That will be different for everyone. I would like to know what Honesty means to you (the writer of the comment above) because putting the word “subjective” after Honesty is a cop-out to not explain yourself. (please respond explain what honesty means to you personally). After all, being “subjective” is based on emotions and/or experiences and nothing True. I do realize that me saying “True” we can easily say that “True is subjective.” But we must not just leave it there, we must explain our thoughts, otherwise there is no understanding.

After “Honesty is subjective” you then write “the sooner you realize this the easier life will be.” The first thing I would have to say is life is not meant to be easy. In fact, life is an abyss not knowing what you will fall into (I know that there is a sense of excitement in not knowing where you are falling; but, not knowing is half the battle). My understanding (notice I say my) of life is that it is meant to be difficult and to be challenged--thank you author of the previous blog titled “I Once Thought” for the challenge. If we go through life without a care in the world; for one, it is no life because of the lack real care ; and two, a life that is easy will have a self-centered focus because it is about taking the easy way. The heart of the matter is that we were made for relationships, however corny that may seem. Even though relationships are key in life, the area of interest is not having fun on your own accord with people that are also the same way. The point is to be there for help, conversation, love, and be challenged by different people. Try to be with people who are different from you (easier said than done). Lastly, I would say the main area a person needs to explore is to be genuine, authentic with other people, knowing you are not seeking acceptance but rather your own person regardless of previous thoughts and conclusions.


The last part about Honesty and Truth is the difficult part of admitting our own faults. That is why being Honest with yourself is the first step. Now, being Honest with yourself does not mean to leave it there. Challenge yourself to explore what honesty truly means. I say this regarding your last line that “I’m just listening out for the honesty in others.” My point is that looking for Honesty in someone is difficult and is needed (I will not deny that) but, we must not also deny the other areas in ones life. (I know you didn’t specifically say that but I had to mention it)


*****To the author of the Blog/Poem titled “I Once Thought” I thoroughly enjoyed it. The poem was truthfully honest and it hurt (which is good). You will find the Truth when the Truth hurts. It is just hard to find it and suffer the pain bravely.



Side note: Let it be known that this “Blog” is my first post on this site and this “Blog” will be my last post on this site.

I once thought.

I once thought that this blog was a great idea.

I once thought that keeping it inside you was a great idea.

I once thought that going with the flow is supposed to be real.

That was I thought I once had.

Do you think you can rant and rave and do whatever suits you?

Wow, life. Life is meant to be challenged.

I heard of people that try to be honest and want to be fully honest to others, but the problem with that is that they need to be honest with themselves.

I once thought that being challenged was bad.

I once thought that sharing feelings to others was a mistake.

I once thought that hiding in fear was a life for me.

Now I am challenged.

Now I share.

Now I don't fear.

And honestly being completely upfront about this website.

It's bullshit.

Bullshit of no challenges.

I have written on here a while ago and just realized that life is not meant to be lived this way.

The funny thing is, is that whoever started this blog will probably delete this post.

For those of you who read it and are challenged, thank you.

Where'd imagination go?

I am begining to grow out of the thing I am known for.

I still pretend to enjoy it and be the know all of it's nature. But I just don't like it anymore, afraid that knowledge is what defines me as me.

And another: Bars are getting on my nerves, and I grow tired of that scene. Unfortunately, the social place everyone revloves around is the bar..alcohol.
I don't want to constantly have the answer of "Oh, I was at the bar with some friends" to What I did that weekend.

Where have our IMAGINATIONS gone? It seems all we can settle on doing anymore is the adult alcohol getting.
The people I'm around are far more interesting then those I were...but we lack the imagination to think outside the partying box.

I hope I'm not the only one of this thought..

A Challenge.

I challenge you to express yourself..
Tell me about you, the REAL you.

It can be through words, music, art, pictures, video, color, people, by whatever creative means YOU can think of.

It seems as if there is far too much to bring us down- so I challenge all of you to take this message seriously and create something of YOU.

And feel free to post it in this post/comment/whatever.

It's yours..Now run with it.

Ennui

Sometimes, I honestly wish I would get into a car accident or fall into a coma or have something happen to me. Then, in the hospital, I would find out how many people would actually care. Is that horrible of me? My life is so monotonous. Every day, the same routine. I see the same people, do the same things. On days off, I'm stuck doing nothing. My computer is my only link to the outside world. College can't come fast enough. I feel so suffocated and suppressed.

I feel all tense inside, like I waiting for an explosion. I think injury would be that explosion. Something drastic that would make my life more interesting, so that I wouldn't be crying for no reason. I feel like I'm never going to be able to do what I want to do. I'm going to be trapped inside this cage for the rest of my life. I'll never be able to express myself, or really experience anything. The thought just makes me want to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone, please help. Everyday I get more irritable and more depressed. I don't want to contemplate suicide or injury. I don't want to hurt the people around me, but I feel like I'm being left behind in their dust. I don't know what I want to do with my life, and I can't really do anything special. Everyone else has their dreams and talents. I feel like I'm being cheated. I want to see the sun rise over the ocean, instead of set. I want to eat Japanese food in Japan, and walk inside the Coloseum, and visit the country of my origins. I want to learn how to paint, and master photography, and learn Russian and Japanese and German and Italian. I want to visit Poland, a country with one of the saddest histories in the whole world. I want to see a live ballet performance, and take my mother to a Chinese opera. I want to prove to everyone who ever looked down on me that I can acheive great things and have happiness without their approval.

God, I just want to live. I want to stop struggling with my faith and just be happy for once in my life. I want to see my sister and niece again. I want my father to come back from the dead and hug me and tell me he's proud of me.

So would my death or injury cure me of my ennui? I think so. And that's a scary thought. Someone, please help me. Help me before I do something drastic.