All Hail!

Sometimes I feel like all I am is my job. I breathe, sweat, eat, and personify my job. Is this the American Dream coming to furition?
It is my worship of the Almighty Dollar, that keeps me cooped up in a building for hours on end only seeing precious hours of sun.
Perhaps the most difficult reality is that this is all my own doing, and choice. I CHOOSE to work. I know there are many that are facing this economic climate without income and they would do anything to have a precious few hours of monetary gain. This is where I become frustrated.
To be, we must earn.

To be, I must earn. And I hate that.
...but I am more then my job, right?

Time to be honest with you

The most amazing girl I have ever known left two years ago and moved to Denver. I miss her so much! I never had the courage to tell her how I felt but I think she knew. I miss everything about her. her hair, her laugh, our conversations. I am currently in a relationship with a girl and its really good but I alway catch myself thinking about what could have been if I had just had the balls to tell her I loved her...

I LOVE YOU

Reflection

New Year, and reflection.

I read through every entry, and saw that each emotion..concern..and thought have run through my head.


But I'm not the author of much of this blog.
Thank you for sharing with me, and in a sense walking through each emotion with me.

(Last year seemed so lonely)

Drafts

When I was posting, I saw some drafts.

Now these drafts have been posted.

Happy Christmas.

I get it, I really get it. The point of me being here, that is.
Connections. No matter how you look at it, thats all life is about. All religions/cultures/people point in this direction: Finding and making connections.
When I think of these connections, I believe they are more than bringing all your imperfections forward.
Because who really wants to deal with your every issue? I know I don't.
It's about being you in the moment, and embracing the other person you're communicating with. ACTUALLY talking, and listening.

Connecting on whatever level you can. Not placing unrealistic expectations or anything in return, just being there

Finally, I get it.

This year is my first Christmas without blood relatives, and I'm excited to share it with friends...people that I share these moments with and love, because family really is what you make.

093jd

I am bruised, and I hate admitting it. Hate saying that a little of me is soft, or unsure.

But I am. I don;t have a 5 year plan. I hardly have a 5 day plan. I don;t think we have to. Being alive is taking things as they come, not planning each momentous occasion. Technically, I'm a grown up but I have no idea what I want to be.

I'm lost. And I feel like I'm the only one big enough to admit I have no fucking clue whats happening next. I'm in it for the ride because control is not realistic.

All I know? I like learning, and i'll continue to learn.

Hate

I'm terrified of falling in love, because I know it won't work. You hear all these stories about true love and happily ever after, but its all bullshit. Because even if people stay together, its never happily ever after. Its just after. Sooner or later, someone will break, emotions will change, and then you're eighty, dying and cursing your spouse.

It never works. He'll always leave, one way or another. And its always the woman who loses. Its always her left broken hearted while he walks away indifferenty, looking for the next unsuspecting girl with a tight shirt.

I hate being so dependent on assholes who only think with their dicks. I hate being a girl. We always lose. Always.